Truth in Love

…speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way… Ephesians 4:15

“Oh, grow up!” What does that mean? Even the Bible is telling us to grow up, and it says the way to do that is to learn to speak the truth in love. Imagine that you are walking down the sidewalk and see your neighbor’s house on fire. You know this neighbor doesn’t like you, so you hesitate in front of the house and watch the flames lick the roof. You have two options: You can call 911, run to the front door, and shout for them to come outside. Or you can feel bad about their situation, thank God that it’s not your house, and then walk on past because you fear the wrath of the cranky neighbor.

In that extreme situation, we understand what it means to speak the truth in love. But what about in our daily lives? If we have accepted God’s pardon for our sin, we understand the hell that we have been spared. But with that understanding comes the knowledge that those who don’t know Christ are headed for the same judgment. What this does NOT mean is that we are to become loudmouth, opinionated, Bible-thumpers who enjoy drawing attention to our outlandish presentations. What it DOES mean is that God places people in our lives whose houses are on fire. The immature fear their wrath, so they walk on by. But those who “grow up in every way” recognize that truth is vital to the well-being of another person, and they speak it in love.

Who in your life has a house on fire? What is God asking you to say to them?

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Unreliable

Putting confidence in an unreliable person in times of trouble is like chewing with a broken tooth or walking on a lame foot. Proverbs 25:19

We’ve all been there. You were counting on someone to do what they committed to do, and they let you down. Didn’t show up. Found something better to do. Or used the old “I forgot” excuse which didn’t make the disappointment any easier. God takes that kind of irresponsibility pretty seriously and compares the experience to physical pain. When you have a bad tooth, you try to avoid chewing with it. When you have a broken foot, you steer clear of putting weight on it. You can’t trust those wounded body parts. It hurts too much. And we can’t trust friends or family members who continually let us down.

Family trees usually have a root or two that is deadwood. Everyone knows who they are. You “accidentally” don’t invite them to the birthday party. You can’t count on them to bring the assigned item for family dinners, so you plan dinner without their contributions. The relatives nod knowingly and whisper behind their backs. “Don’t tell her. You know how she is.” Maybe you’re that unreliable person and never realized it. When people cannot trust your word, the relationship stays surface deep. People won’t put weight on a broken foot, and they won’t put faith in someone who may or may not follow through on a promise.

Are you the unreliable person in your family or friend group? 

A new reputation begins with admitting our flaws and holding ourselves accountable for changing them.

The Wrong Motivators

…for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God. James 1:20

“You’re a jerk!” 

“Well, you’re an idiot!” 

“I don’t know why I ever married you!” 

“You stupid kid. You’ll never amount to anything!”

Have you had words like that shot at you? Have you used some of them to wound someone else? Think about the results. Do words hurled in anger motivate the recipients to move closer to what God desires them to be? Are we doing “God’s work” when we try to change someone though anger? He says No.

We often lose our tempers because we feel helpless. We have bought into the idea that other people hold our happiness in their hands. So we try to force them to do what we want so that we can feel better. But we cannot make someone do right, just as no one can make us do right. Many times we use the excuse: “They won’t pay attention to me unless I get really mad!” That only means that you lost their respect a long time ago by having no boundaries. We cannot achieve godly results through ungodly means. Healthy boundaries with consequences keep us from having to become angry. The Bible is a book of boundaries and consequences. God explains His boundary, then sets us free to choose our actions. There are consequences for those actions, both good and bad. Consequences are better teachers than anger—and they bring much better results.

Are you trying to achieve godly results through ungodly means?

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The Unlocked Door

Do not give the devil an opportunity. Ephesians 4:27

It’s 10:00 at night. You check your doors and windows, locking your family safely inside your home. Then you go to the front door, open it a crack, and put a rock in the gap. With the door 6 inches ajar, you turn off the lights and go to bed. Is that smart?

Leaving the door ajar is an invitation to snakes, raccoons, bugs, and burglars. When a door is left open all night, you have no control over what may enter. That’s the picture this verse paints for us. When we leave anger unattended in our hearts, we are going to bed with the door open. Our enemy, Satan, has been waiting outside in the dark for such an opportunity. He whistles for the demons and in they come. Because we have ignored God’s counsel to resolve our anger before nightfall, we are an easy target for fear, bitterness, rage, jealousy, hatred, and any number of pests that Satan brings with him. You may never realize where the chaos came from, but you watch in frustration as your relationships turn sour and your peace vanishes. God warns us that unresolved anger is a rock in the door that gives the devil an opportunity to destroy us.

Has your anger provided an opportunity for the devil? Forgiveness and surrender to God can take the rock out of the door and make your heart secure once more.

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What to Do When You Are Angry

Be angry and do not sin; 

do not let the sun go down on your anger. Ephesians 4:26

Is this verse a contradiction? First it says, “Be angry.” Then it says, “Do not sin.” Aren’t those opposites? Is it possible to be angry without sinning? Picture the last time you got really angry. How did you act? What were you angry about? It is hard to imagine being angry without sinning, because our anger is usually self-centered. We like to think of ourselves as having “righteous anger,” but in truth it is usually “self-righteous anger.” We get angriest when people mistreat us, disrespect us, or cheat us. We hang on to this anger because we believe something is owed to us. But hanging on to anger only turns it into bitterness. So is it possible to be angry without sinning?  

Anger is merely an emotion, like sadness. When someone or something wrongs us, our emotions are stirred. God gave us those emotions, but we are not victims of them. We have choices. 

When anger hits us, we can:

1) Use it to resolve a situation. Mothers Against Drunk Driving was formed when a mother used her anger to bring change.

2) Drop it because it’s not that big a deal. Some things just aren’t worth the passion we give them.

3) Choose to forgive and move on. Forgiveness relinquishes to God our rights for revenge. We trust Him with the outcome.

When we insist upon a fourth option (Letting it grow instead of letting it go), that involuntary emotion becomes voluntary sin.

The next time you are angry, which option will you choose? Purpose to resolve your anger before nightfall. 

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Great and Small

The story is told of a man who was shown both heaven and hell. In hell, the people were seated at a banquet table filled with delicious food. However, their arms were in splints and the only eating utensils were forks with three-foot long handles. Try as they might, they could not get the food into their mouths and were starving, while seated only inches from a feast. In heaven, the scenario was identical, except this time, each person was feeding someone else, seated across the table.

While this story is far from an accurate depiction of heaven and hell, the idea is correct. God’s instructions for His people always include selflessness—a trait that does not come easily for us. Jesus modeled selfless serving while He was on the earth and He wants us to follow that pattern. When we take our eyes off our own desires and ambitions, we are in position to fulfill the purpose for which we were created. In God’s kingdom, those who want to be greatest must go to the back of the line, while those who seek the lowest position of service are exalted. God offers us many opportunities to choose humility, but if we stubbornly refuse, God will have to do it for us. It is far preferable to humble ourselves willingly.

Humble yourself in the sight of God, and He will lift you up. James 4:10

Give Honor

Give honor to whom honor is due (Rom. 13:7)

The flashing lights in your rearview mirror make you groan. Oh yeah, that was a stop sign back there, wasn’t it? The one you flew through while glancing down at the text that lit up your screen. The uniformed officer strides to your window. You roll it down while your brain scans frantically through your excuse file in case one of them fits this occasion. He whips off his sunglasses and you recognize him. The kid from fifth grade! The bully who used to taunt you all the way to the schoolyard. You heard he got kicked of college and he hits his wife. He’s a cop now? Heat surges to your face and your fists clench.

Regardless of what you feel like doing, would it be wisest to: a) jump out of the car and pound his face?  b) stare straight ahead and refuse to answer anything he asks?  c) show him honor and comply with his request for your license and registration? We wrestle with the idea of honoring officials who don’t deserve the title. A policeman, a judge, or an elected official may each be a dishonorable human being in many ways, but we are to show them honor because of their position. Honor is not necessarily based upon the character of an individual. We can show honor to a person because of the office he or she holds. It is the office that earns our respect, even if the individual holding that office does not.

God instituted authority for our good. It works when we “give honor to whom honor is due.”  

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