Citizen's Arrest!

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My name is Yankee and I would like to file a report with somebody. This is a disgrace, and being only 8 pounds and very short, there's not a lot I can do about it.

That inelegant ca-nine my family brought home a couple years ago has done it again. She's nothing but a Big Red Troublemaker. I keep hoping she will finally leave, but no...she's still here, thinking we can be friends. Ha!

My people certainly overlook a lot where she's concerned and I find it offensive. Just look at her....playing innocent. Gets to them every time.


Now consider me for a moment. Perfect in every way, beautiful beyond comprehension, and doing a fine job running this household if I do say so myself. Do I run off when they're not looking? Of course not! Never!

Besides the fact that there are despicable street dogs who live down the road, I would never think to set one dainty paw outside the yard. Because as I told you, I always do the right thing. At least, right to me. 

I'm fairly obedient when they ask me to do something I want to do, I share my food dish with the red beast when I have to, and I never do anything wrong, but do they praise me for it? Ha! Take me for granted is what they do.

Again today, the red monster took off across the field as soon as my mistress turned her back. I watched her go and shook my head in disgust, knowing what will happen. Will they lock the doors and call the pound? No! They'll let her come back, scold her a teensy bit, and forgive her. She'll be back on my couch, lying on my cushion, eating my food and drinking my water before nightfall. And they don't understand why I don't like her.

Sure enough, after a couple of hours, there she was. On the patio, stickers in her fur, looking sheepish. And what do they do? Scold her, comb out the stickers, and let her right back in! If they had a fatted calf, they'd probably kill it too and throw her a party!

All I can say is, I hope you humans aren't like that. When someone offends you, I hope you drive them away forever, refuse to let them apologize, and remain as haughty as possible all your days. That would be the right thing to do, the Yankee thing to do. If I was human, that's what I'd do.

Let's face it, there are just some dogs--and humans--who don't deserve a second chance. Or third or fourth, as is the case with What's-Her-Name.

So to those of you who refuse to forgive, harbor resentment in your hearts, and let outright hate fester inside towards people who've offended you---I'm proud of you! You should be proud of yourself, too. You're my kind of human. Right on my level.

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