A Day in the Life Of...

As I drove home tonight around 8:30 pm after nearly 9 hours of counseling, I thought of the apostle Paul's words: "I am being poured out as a drink offering before the Lord." (2 Tim. 4:6)

Do you ever feel that way?

I didn't, until I began this counseling ministry nearly 3 years ago. Now I get it.

Being poured out means you are drained from the inside. As a pitcher is emptied of every drop it contained, so my spirit is often emptied of every ounce of strength. It's not a physical weariness, such as anyone feels who has put in a day's work. That is part of it. But the pouring out is an intense spiritual and emotional exhaustion that must be replenished by the Holy Spirit before you can do it again.
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A typical day looks something like this: (All names and situations altered to protect my clients.)

7:30--Receive a text from Andy about his broken heart. I'm seeing him tomorrow, but he can't wait.

8:00--Eat breakfast at my computer while sending reminder texts to tomorrow's clients. Check email and Facebook for new counseling requests or messages.

8:05--Begin receiving confirmations and cancellations about tomorrow's schedule.

8:06--Start trying to shuffle client times to accommodate changes so that I won't be left with a hole in my schedule.

8:25--Incoming call from new client. Sounds desperate and I'm concerned. He must have a time after 4:30 due to work. No open slots until next week. Schedule him next week anyway.

8:40--Pray that God makes an opening for this desperate guy sooner.

9:00--Shane, tomorrow's 6:30, calls. An emergency has come up. Can he reschedule for next week?

9:10--Reschedule him and breathe a 'Thank you' to God. I call the new client and let him know an opening has just appeared. Would he like it? He grasps it like a drowning man.

9:30--Drive to the church, praying for each client I will see today, and asking for the filling of the Holy Spirit that I might hear him and obey his voice every moment.

10:00--Welcome first client of the day. Spend two hours hearing Anna's tragic story of childhood molestation, failed marriages, drug addiction, and an attempted suicide. Show her that she is relying on herself to meet her needs and God wants to do that. She's a pastor's daughter, and thought God was one more angry male who couldn't be pleased. She meets a Jesus she never knew and gives him her heart. She eagerly schedules another session next week.

12:00-1:00--Lunch and answer texts that have come in during the last session: Andy sends me an update on his broken heart. My youngest son wonders what's for dinner or is he on his own. My daughter tells me she loves me and she is having car trouble. Another client cancels for tomorrow. A voicemail message from a former client asking if I will see his daughter.

1:00--Welcome Ben and Liz. He's had multiple affairs and she has looked the other way. I ask about his porn addiction, which startles them both. He breaks down and admits it for the first time in his life. I assure them there is nothing God cannot fix. They commit to doing whatever it takes to repair their home and his heart. Begin teaching them about addiction.

3:00--Welcome new client James. Looks like a kook, but I ask God to love him through me anyway. Destructive anger driving everyone from him, including his family. Teach him about offering his rights up to God. Lead him to do that. He leaves with a big smile and a promise to return next week.

4:30--Do a one-hour with Brandon, the 15-year-old. Sullen and unresponsive. His mom made him come. He tells me things I cannot share with her and I struggle with finding the ethical line. By the end he has at least made eye contact and nodded a couple of times. I take that as success, but know he won't be back. Pray I gave him something he can hang on to when he goes home to his dysfunctional family.

5:30--Ten minute consultation with my pastor about a former client who is in trouble again. Get his advice on Brandon's ethical issues as a minor.

5:40--Welcome Jenny. She's one month out of psychiatric lockdown where she got no help at all and is considering giving up on life. Sense demonic presence and help her get rid of them. Then lead her to go back and forgive the 6-year-old Jenny who allowed her step-father to rape her for 8 years. She realizes her self-destruction is an attempt to punish that little girl and she breaks free. Sobbing and at peace, she hugs me and gets tears and snot on my blouse. I don't mind.

7:20--Take a ten-minute break to gulp a 7-Up and a bag of peanuts for supper. Answer a question from a former client passing by in the hallway. His marriage is in trouble again. Do I think more counseling would help? His wife cursed me and walked out last time. I'll have to think about it.

7:30--It's Rachel's third session. I spend an hour and a half contending with her about leaving the Jehovah's Witnesses--a religion that has left her terrified and suicidal. I can't help her if she won't let Jesus in. I rely on the Holy Spirit and my hours of preparation this week studying her religion to find some crack in her defenses. With tears on her face, she sets her jaw and shakes her head. It will be our last session. She walks away, broken and hopeless. This time I cry.
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Tomorrow I will go back and do it again. Different faces. Different stories. Each one a life that is indescribably precious to God. 

Were I to base my continuing ministry on whether or not I consider myself a success, were I to rely on my own strength, desire, or ability, I would quit. Too much risk. Too much at stake.

But my only goal--and your only goal as you pour yourself out as a drink offering--must be: Lord, was I as obedient to you today as I know how to be?  

For a Christian, is there any other question? Is total obedience to him optional?


His answer is enough. He will refill my tank and I will do it again. Because that's what an offering is. It means I let go and it is all His. His people. His victories. His reward.

Are you pouring yourself out as a drink offering before the Lord?

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Count the Cost

My dear old hometown has an eyesore. Over the past several years, what was once a wooded wilderness has become a dirt pile that is moved regularly by various powerful machines.

But it never becomes anything. There are roads, trenches, and high mounds of red dirt. But it all adds up to a big expensive pile of nothing. Millions have been spent so far with nothing to show for it. It is our local joke. Somebody messed up. Somebody did not count the cost before they started this fiasco.

Jesus had our dirt pile in mind when he warned the crowds following him that they needed to count the cost before signing up with him. Everybody loved the food, the healings, and the "get-out-of-hell-free" card he offered. They came in droves for more of the best show in town. But he knew their hearts. It wasn't HIM they wanted. It was what he could give them to make their selfish lives better. And that was not what he came to do.

So he pointed to a massive dirt pile like ours and warned them that no builder starts building a tower without first calculating the cost. Otherwise, he runs out of funding, stops halfway, and becomes the laughingstock of the county. Then he pointed out that the kingdom of heaven worked the same way.

Have you thought of it that way? If you came to Jesus for the free stuff, grabbed your ticket, and headed back to your regular life, then you've missed it. You didn't count the cost and in the end, you will be the laughingstock of hell.

So, what is that cost?

Jesus spells it out in terms no one can misunderstand. It's a puzzle why so many do.

• "If anyone does not take up his cross and follow me, he is not worthy of me."
• "If anyone does not hate his family by comparison, he is not worthy of me."
• "If you want to be my disciple, then do what I command you."

There are so many "if's" in scripture, we really ought to pay more attention to them. But "if" is a word we easily overlook, pretending we can claim the promise after it in spite of ignoring it. That is not true.

Have you counted the cost of following Christ? Or did some greasy-smiling preacher convince you that you could have "all this and God too!" The outright lie passing for Christianity these days is appalling. Jesus wouldn't recognize it. It's certainly not the message he brought.

Salvation is a work of the Holy Spirit. Not a thing you can contribute. But true salvation results in true repentance, true dedication, and a true change of heart.

Salvation is the only free gift that requires everything you have.

And it is the only one that is worth more than you can ever give up. Be sure you've counted the cost, and have not bought into a cheap counterfeit.

The real thing is worth it.

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