The Color of Shame

 
 

Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no… shame will darken their faces. Psalms 34:5

What does shame look like? If you had to draw a picture of shame, what colors would you use? 

Dark colors come automatically to mind, even in the Psalms. Shame darkens our faces. No one who carries shame is radiant with joy. Shame shows up in hollow smiles, lowered eyes, and even our complexions appear dull and lifeless. When we wear our shame, it is as though a label is plastered across our foreheads announcing our unworthiness.

This verse contrasts those who wear shame vs. those who look to God for help. But how do we do that? How can we look God in the face knowing what we know about ourselves? 

Notice this verse does not say “when we look to God,” it says “when we look to God for HELP.” Often we look to God with excuses, with justifications, or with explanations for why we did what we did. We can pray all night, but the shame remains because we are trying to negotiate. However, God offers a full pardon to everyone who comes to Him for help. His help means we that accept that Jesus shed His blood for sins such as these. We humbly accept a forgiveness we don’t deserve. And if He can forgive us, He expects us to forgive ourselves. To refuse to forgive ourselves is to exalt our standard over His. When we come to Him for His help, He replaces our shame with joy.

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What's Covering You?

…so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. Genesis 3:7

A fig leaf uniform must have left a lot to be desired. It certainly couldn’t have covered much. Neither would it have lasted long. Dried, shriveled fig leaves would be even worse after a couple of days. Adam and Eve’s desperate solution was not enough to right their wrongs. They used everything at their disposal to cover their shame, and it just wasn’t enough.

We’ve all been that desperate at times. We’ve blown it big. But instead of turning to God in humble repentance, we frantically try to cover our own shame. We pretend it was no big deal. Or we reach into Satan’s bag of handy excuses and pull out one: “Nobody got hurt.” Everybody does it.” “We’re adults.”  We may convince a few friends, but deep down, we haven’t even convinced ourselves. Justifying our sin only adds to the guilt and shame we drag around. We were never built to carry such a load. God offers a permanent solution for our shame: confession and repentance. Agreeing with God about our sin and turning from it opens God’s wardrobe doors. We don’t need fig leaves—or excuses—when we allow our Father to clothe us in His righteousness (2 Cor. 5:21). Shame masquerades as humility, when in fact, it is only Satan’s counterfeit for true repentance.

Are you hiding in fig leaves or have you let the righteousness of Christ cover your shame?

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Their Eyes Were Opened

Then the eyes of both of them were opened… Genesis 3:7

All they had known was perfection and God’s presence. Everything they needed was at their fingertips. But there they stood, at the Naughty Tree, with fruit juice dripping from their chins. The deed was done. There was no going back. They were without excuse, because God had told them what would happen. But because they could not yet see it for themselves, they refused to believe Him. Only when their eyes were opened could they see what they had forfeited.

Have you ever had your eyes opened AFTER the fact? Having our eyes opened means we see ourselves and our choices the way God does. Suddenly all our excuses, justifications, and explanations aren’t enough. We're caught. And in that moment we have three options: 

• We can hide under the shrubbery in shame, like Adam and Eve did. Some people live their whole lives there, cowering from the presence of a holy God. 
• Or we can harden our hearts as some people do, and deny everything. With the juice dripping down our naked souls, we insist that we are dressed in silk and God is pleased with us. Shame hovers in the background there too, but we call it something else. 
• Or we can agree with God about our sin. We can confess it, turn away from it, and hand it to Him. When we do, He puts our shame on His own Son and restores us to fellowship with Him (1 Pet. 2:24). 

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The Doorway

A single, narrow doorway draws excessive attention from the enemy of our souls. He throws his vile body in front of it and spares no expense to keep us away from it. Whatever it takes. Whatever lie works. Doesn't  matter as long as he keeps us away from this doorway that threatens his domain. When he succeeds, he gains a devastating weapon that he uses to beat us into submission. This weapon can make the most successful woman a slave to insecurity and render the strongest man a weakling. It's called Shame.
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Satan's only access to this weapon is our permission. The shame is ours, all right. We've earned it and we know it. All the pep talk in the world, all the hype and self-esteem boosters cannot break the deep conviction that we deserve these beatings. There is only one way to escape them and it is through that doorway. And Satan knows it.
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The door is called Repentance. We don't hear this word much anymore-- another of Satan's ideas. Instead we hear his screams: "Don't walk through that door! God understands. You're a good person. It was a long time ago. It was no big deal. You're over it."  We pause at the door, listen to his lies, and move on. What we don't hear is his cackling behind our backs as he picks up the weapon we just handed him. Shame. From now on he can torture us at will, squelch any attempts of ours to embrace love, joy, and peace. Shame convinces us that we will forever remain on God's B List.

But when we kick him aside and charge through that doorway, we find a different welcome than the one Satan told us we'd find. In desperation, we drag sin's filthy carcass to the foot of the cross and we look up. We see our shame piled high on His bloodied shoulders. We listen to the Voice coming from between clenched teeth. "It...is...finished ." And we believe Him. It's paid for. All of it. Repentance means we stop making excuses, stop blaming, and fully own the gravity of our sin... Yes, that sin too. The dark one. The one Satan reminds us of anytime we start to think we have value and purpose.
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Because 'it is finished' and because we walked through that doorway, we can stand tall, forgiven, and whole. And we choose to live on this side of the doorway because we know what waits on the other side. He has nothing we want. He can keep that shame and choke on it. It belongs with him. Shame has no power on this side of the door.
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The Secret in the Jar

The woman who broke her alabaster jar of expensive perfume and anointed the feet of Jesus is only identified in the Bible as an "immoral woman." But this was not the only immoral woman in town. This was not the only woman with an alabaster jar. How many others had heard about the famous Rabbi who may actually be the promised Messiah? How many hearts had skipped a beat as anxious hands clutched their own jars more tightly? Had there been others lurking In the shadows, hiding in the alleys?
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Only one thing set this woman apart from every other needy heart in town: she went in. She dared to shoulder her way through the disapproving frowns and all the way to Jesus. She had no way of knowing how she would be received. He could reject her gift. He could reject her. But with this plan, there was no going back. She brought everything she had and cashed it in.
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No one else was willing to take the risk. Fear, shame, or self-loathing was a stronger god. Others kept their alabaster jars tucked safely away, assuring themselves it was not enough. He wouldn't want what they had--- broken promises, failures, the angry shouts of a past they could not silence. So they kept a tight grip on their jars and watched as others found hope and freedom. They watched an immoral woman go in to Jesus and emerge as the pure Bride of Christ. She was minus the jar, but would forever carry the fragrance of its contents poured out.
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Here's the secret of the jar....it's your safety net. You may loathe its contents. It may smell horrid to you; that's why you refuse to break it. You cannot image Someone like Jesus would want such a thing. But the fragrance only comes when it is offered. It will continue to reek, held captive in your hands. Poured out on the feet of Jesus, it becomes a sweet fragrance fit for a King.
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Shame on You!

It lurks in the darkest recesses of your mind, nibbling like a starving rat at your peace and joy.


Any attempt to drive it away turns it into a monster, as it reminds you it has every right to be there. It's not an impostor. It's not an undeserving guest. You've earned the right to keep company with it and it's now here to stay.


It masquerades as humility, but that's only a disguise. In fact, it is the exact opposite of godly humility. It is toxic shame.


That event, that moment when you could have done something different but you didn't. Those choices, those actions that got out of hand now loom like Goliath in your conscience. You've prayed for forgiveness so many times you're afraid God is weary of your pleas--but still it hunkers, glaring at you every time you try to feel good about yourself.



You're right. God is tired of your whining, but not for the reasons you think.


Scripture warns us, "God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble."


Proud??? (I can hear your incredulous gasp from here.) Proud? I feel anything but proud. If you knew what I did, how I failed, you'd know that I just can't forgive myself.
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Oh really? Has God forgiven you?
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Well yeah, sure. He always forgives when we ask, but...I can't forgive myself.
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So what you're saying is that your standard is higher than God's. You're saying, "Thanks God for letting your Son die for my sin and promising to forgive me when I ask, but frankly...that's not enough. I need to punish myself."

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No! No, that's not what I'm saying...well...maybe it is.

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Toxic shame is pride flipped upside down. The shame that lingers long after God has cast your sin as-far-as-the-East-is-from-the-West is not from God. It's coming from inside you. Your pride. God isn't as hard on you as you are, so you're taking his offer of forgiveness and trying to improve on it. You know better than God whether or not you should be forgiven. Isn't that pride?

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Satan loves to taunt you with your failings, throw them up to you any chance you give him. Scripture even reminds us that he is an "accuser of the believers," and we glibly go right along with him, believing every acidic thing he tells us.

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So what's lurking in your past? Having trouble letting go of the shame? Feel as though you don't deserve to get off that lightly?

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You don't. None of us does. That's why God's grace is so amazing. But trying to add to what He's already done is tantamount to a slap in His face.

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God is the ultimate authority on right and wrong. If you've repented of your sin, ask his forgiveness, and trusted in His Son's sacrifice to make you right with the Father, then nothing is left for you to feel shame over. It's done. It is finished.

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Don't let pride keep you from enjoying it.

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