Patience

That I would even attempt to write on this subject almost makes me laugh. It is so NOT my strong point. But these days, I have a feeling God may be laughing, too.

What a summer already! In May, my husband lost his job through a massive layoff that caught them all by surprise. With his education, skills, and years of experience, we hoped it would be a quick turnaround to find another one. But one ideal job after another passes by and we look at each other quizzically.

"What? Why not that one?"

Then we turn our puzzled hearts to the Lord. "Did you see that?" we ask. "Are you sure?"

What do you do when Heaven is silent?

Our 15-year-old daughter, Susie, has a stack of learning issues due to her brain injury (see sidebar, Saving Susie) and we hoped to get her into Tulsa Technology Center for her junior year of high school so she can learn skills she can use. Many academic subjects just bounce off her poor little head and forcing her through two more years of it is senseless. But...we're not in the right county and have to drum our fingers at the bottom of the waiting list, so we still do not know what classes she will be allowed to take when school starts in ten days!

Patience! Ugh! I prefer to have my entire life mapped out ten years in advance, right down to the meal planning! God does not seem to work that way.

I specifically asked the Lord to rebuke the devourer from our finances when Wayne lost his job. Citing the story of the Israelites in the wilderness, when their clothes did not wear out (actually, I've always felt sorry for the women. Can you imagine, girls? Forty years in the same outfit?!), I made it a point to mention the cars. I felt I had a good foundation to stand on.

The next week both our cars started falling apart out of the blue--including Wayne's less-than-2-year-old Impala which we bought so we wouldn't have car issues! We're still camping out at the mechanic shop. They're thinking of giving us our own parking space. So much for my theory.

So, now what? Do we get angry at God for not being more clear? Or...do we take the approach that maybe he IS being clear, just not saying what we thought he would say? As I balanced our checking account this week, he tapped me on the shoulder and whispered, "See? All that car trouble you're so worked up about, and your account is as plump as ever!"

Hmmm. How'd he do that?

And the complete lack of job choices all summer long has started Wayne in a new direction, one he would not have considered while ensconced safely in his beige cubicle. He's developing ideas for expanding his own business. Ideas that leave me a bit quaky at the idea of launching out on his own, but...it's what he has really always wanted to do.

So I'm trying to view patience with a better attitude and stop accusing the Lord of sleeping on the job. Sometimes, it's the only way he can direct us away from what looks so right to us.

However, I'm still suspicious that my husband is stalling until my book comes out so that he can then be a "kept man!"